I usually don't just blog my feelings, but tonight I thought I would. I am just going to put it out there.... I feel like a HORRIBLE MOTHER and my three year old is pushing me (and Sam) over the edge.
I do realize this is partially our fault. We let him get his way so he'll be quiet. It's just easier to not hear him cry and whine for things. Unfortunately, NOW, that's all Sam and I hear, crying and whining. (You would think by her 3rd child she would have the "mothering thing" down. But, NO! She doesn't.)
I need any advise to help me get my three year old under control. Tage is so much fun. He cracks us up and is very passionate about life. However over these past 7 months he's developed this attitude and I am at my whits end. He's whinny, sassy, and runs me ragged. He clings onto me every second of everyday. Seriously, I SHOULD NOT have to go to the bathroom with him EVERY TIME he goes potty. He's been trained for almost 9 months now. AHHHH! The kid clothes himself every morning, that should tell you he knows how to pull up his britches.
I know it is partially due to having a new sister but, enough is enough. I keep telling myself it will change. However, here we still are, fighting it out. I am putting my weapons down and surrendering to GOOD ADVISE. I need to change and I need HELP.
I have been praying a lot about how to change my mothering skills, or lack thereof, so that I can help him behave better. So, now I ask you mothers for some GOOD advise. (I still have number 4 who one day will enter into her 3's and by golly, I want to HAVE IT DOWN by then.)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
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7 comments:
Londyn was the same way with the potty thing. PT for a year and still absolutely would NOT go by heself. Finally we resorted to the same bribes that got her pt in the first place. If she went by herself she got a candy corn.
I have no doubts that your are a fantastic mother. Hang in there!
I promise you Jen its not you it's the three year old. My sisters three old is totally the same way. She is out of control and they are also at their wits end. Three is the new terible two. Just keep up the good work and tell yourself you are a great mommy.
Jen, I'm sure you are an amazing mother. And I don't know how much of the advice I give will even be useful or valid, but I love reading about different parenting theories, especially from Babywise & Love and Logic. Here are some tips that they suggest. Hope you get the answer you are looking for! Good Luck & Hang in there!
*Your child does what works. If the tantrums are working, he will continue them. Honestly analyze yourself. Don't let the child control you.
*Don't distract or suppress, substitute until the novelty of the action wears off. If you simply tell your toddler he isn't able to do something, you are setting the stage for a fight. If you tell him he isn't allowed to spit at the dinner table, but he is allowed to spit in the tub (IN the tub, not just while in the tub), you are giving him options that are acceptable to you. This is a real-life example. One child recently started thinking it was fun to take a drink and then spit it out kind of in a raspberry style. I told him he was not allowed to spit at the dinner table, but he was free to do so in the tub. To this day, the idea has never struck him in the tub, but anytime he wants to do it at the table, he reminds me he isn't allowed to do that there but can in the tub. Toddlers are curious. They want to learn how things work. Give them opportunities to explore things that are okay to explore. Teach him there are boundaries where certain things are acceptable and the same action is unacceptable.
*Along the same lines, consistency, consistency, consistency. Keep the days as much the same as possible. Also, keep your reactions consistent. Don't let him get away with something one day, not allow it another, and then be shocked when he does it again. Decide on your rules.
*Expect answers or a response when you ask or direct. Keep your expectations within reason. Toddlerwise says a two year old will comply 60% of the time. A three year old, 70%. A five year old, 85-90%. That gives you an idea of what you can expect from your baby. This doesn't mean that if you have a two year old you accept him ignoring you 40% of the time. You don't say, "Oh, this is in that threshold, I'll move on and try again." It just means your child is normal and for his age. You still work on it
*Give instructions, not suggestions. I once worked at a daycare. In my training, they told me to never give instructions ending in "okay." "Danny, don't hit, okay?" Danny doesn't get to choose whether or not to hit--not hitting is the rule.
*Instead of using "okay" as some sign of agreeance to your instructions, require a "yes Mamma" after you give instructions. This gives the child accountability. When Brayden is really mad, it just really is hard for him to say "Yes, Mamma." He will sit and stew over it with a scowl on his face. I insist on it. Finally he says it, and he follows through.
*Require eye-contact when giving instructions. Eye contact is natural non-verbal communication to show you are listening, and this is a suggestion across the board for fixing tantrums.
*Focus on redirecting and restricting, not punishment.
*If your child wants to play with or do something no allowed, say, "you can't go outside right now, but you may draw or play with this toy or do a puzzle." Giving a child other fun options can help direct energy away from the tantrum.
*When you cactch you child doing something he shouldn't be, ask him what he should be doing.
*When it is time for Brayden to do something he doesn't want to and he resists, I give him choices to get him there. For example, when it is naptime and he doesn't want to go, I say, "Would you like to walk to your room, or would you like me to carry you." Either choice, he gets to his room, but it gives him some options. If he doesn't choose, I choose for him.
*Another good one is to have a spot in the house where the child sits for a "time-out" each time they need to be disciplined. Experts say 1 minute for each age of the child. IE: 3 years= 3 minute time-out.
Sorry for the information overload, but I love all the advise and am planning on implementing it as Ava gets older. The information came from www.babywisemom.blogspot.com
If it makes you feel any better, my 3 1/2 year old isn't even PT'd yet...how's that for Mother-Of-The-Year? Truth is, you're a great mom. We do the best we can with the stong spirits we're given and hope for God's mercy in the end (at least that's how I'm choosing to look at it ;).
Love ya.
Well, I don't know if you have read my blog lately but girl I hear ya! loud and clear. I have been having the exact same struggles with my little guy and he sounds so much like your little one. I am in love with him and he is so fun to be around... but the same problems have been occurring with the whining etc. It is so good to read what everyone is saying and their advice. I really agree with Justin & amp; Andrea's advice. Love and Logic is a great book to get. The problem is actually sticking with it. When I do it, I see his behavior change pretty quickly. It is really really hard for me to get it down and I think it's going to take me lots of practice. This parenting thing can be so hard at times. I know you are doing an awesome job and pretty soon our little ones will be over the terrible threes! everyone I have talked to has told me that threes by far were way worse than twos! I definately agree!!! Hang in there girl
Jen, I hope you don't mind Sam gave me your blog address, and I just read through it. From what I see you are a great mom (and an adorable wife). Don't feel guilty that your kids make you crazy sometimes, they grow up eventually right?
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